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The Order Awards 2010
=The Order Awards 2010= ** Classic Awards** **Who is the God-King of the Order?** Not surprisingly, the God-King of the Order is as eternal as the sunshine of a spotless mind. It is, of course, the strangely omnipresent Gerko who takes down the title yet again, with a massive 12 votes to his holiness. Who else than a God-King could have gotten such a glorious score in the Robot Unicorn Attack game? And, as tradition would have it, the runner up for the God-King title is Luke, who is cursed to live in the shadow of the God-King, and claims the silver for the fifth year in a row with 5 votes. The honorable third place goes to another deity – namely bntest! Even though bntest is not technically an eligible award-receiver (since he already has all the awards in the universe and then some), he sends his blissful thanks for his 3 votes. Pope Viper, Malkavian, Brother None, Yamu and the non-eligible receiver “the actual God” all share the bronze with 1 vote to their names, and 1 person voted for mystery member Abstain oTO. **Who is the coolest member?** You know him, you love him… The coolest of the cool is, also this time for the fifth year in a row, none other than the Luke Dweller, with 10 royal votes for the win! Wooz weighed in with 3 votes for coolness, while alec, Twinkie and McRae shared the bronze with 2 votes each. Locke, Yamu, Pope, Gus and Ratty are way too hot to be considered for the Award, with 1 vote each. Abstain oTO managed to collect 2 votes, making him share the bronze with alec, Twinks and McRae.. **Who is the Funniest member? ** For the second time in a row (and before then, there was no identical award), the venerable alec is still the funniest of the Orderites. His artistic talent combined with his humor has truly rendered him the funnay enough to accept an Order Award Gold Medal for this attribute, and 6 votes to back it up. Twinkie should not feel too bad about his silver medal either, weighing in on 4 votes, and Kilus grabs the bronze with 2 votes. The rather unfunny Crni Vuk, generalissimo, Ratty, eom, Keane, McRae, Luke, Brother None and even Alderon somehow managed to get 1 vote each to their name. Worth mentioning is how alec actually shares the gold with Abstain, who also gathered 6 votes to his name. That Abstain feller just cracks a nigga up!) **Who is the Sexiest member? ** During the years 2006-2008, the Sexiest title was held firmly by TheCommissar/Lauren. Then, last year, a strange wind began to blow through the Order, and Lauren’s reign of burning vulva fury was suddenly put to an end. A new Sexmeister had emerged out of the big pile o’ figgets that is the Order… Namely, his sexiness name is Gus, who with a convincing 8 votes knows how to flex those Norwegianly moist beach-muscles better than all others. The runner-up is known to have looked like a girl in his youth – few can resist the sexy of Brother None and the memory of his dark locks, gaining 4 votes. The Bronze holder Skenvoy flashed her boobs briefly, creating a time window big enough to steal the bronze medal for 3 votes. The glory of Jebus and alec lives in the bronze for 2 votes, and some bums called Twinkie, Buxbaum666 and Stag each, somehow, got 1 vote each. (Abstain weighs in on 5 votes, and would have gotten the silver had he been with us at this ceremony.) **Who is the Fugliest member?** Gentlemen, bring out your sleeping masks, for the fugly of this Orderite is bested by none. It is longtime favorite Ozrat who would be wise to chose ‘invisibility’ if he ever got the opportunity to pick his own super-power of choice, with 6 votes testifying to his fugly. (One theory is that he once was offered to choose his super-power, but confused “deafness” with “superpower” and hence chose unwisely.) A worthy silver is claimed by rcorporon and Serifan, with 3 votes each. Sicblades, victor, Kilus and Buxbaum666 are adviced to get some facial work done with the shared bronze – all of them with 2 votes each. Serge 13, Dopemine Cleric, Phauxe Kitsune, Stag, alec and Luke are all also 1 votes worth of fugly and would be well advised to put bags over their heads, which also goes for Abstain oTO. **Which Orderite is the Most Orderite? ** This category was introduced in 2006 and has remained ever since. What a conniving coincidence, when it has every year since then, including this year, been won by the awesomely Orderitey Luke, with a massive 11 votes! (Trivia: previous Gold medals in this category have been shared with Zaron, Brother None, Wooz, Jebus and Abstain.) This year, however, none may share the gold, but Twinkie may take pride in the silver, attained by 3 votes. Wooz, who shared the gold in 2007, has to settle for sharing the Bronze this year, together with alec and Azure Stone – each with 2 votes. And poor 2008 gold medal shareholder Brother None wakes up in the mud beneath the winners’ stand, together with Ratty, Kilus and McRae who all got 1 vote each. (Abstain collected 3 votes, sharing the silver with Twinkie.) **Who would you prefer to meet in real life?** Defending yet another title through his charismatic excellence – this title having been safely kept since 2007 – is Luke, with 7 fabulous votes. In so doing, he’s ensuring his Gold Medal Hat Trick Award for the 2010 Order Awards. (And, he’d also like to meet the lot of you! <3) Not too far behind comes alec for the silver, with a whole 3 people who would dare to face him IRL. Brother None and Pope Viper are also not to be forgotten, as they share the bronze with their 2 votes each. Wooz, Twinkie, Hoxie, Sicblades, Skenvoy, Mikey, Mikael Grizzly, Yamu, Jebus, Elissar and Optimus Prime and even bntest are apparently not all that popular, with 1 vote each to RL-cybar. Furthermore, only one poor fellow would like to meet up with Abstain. **Also Sort of Classic Awards** **Which member bears the heaviest burden of intellect?** The Gold medal in this category was no shocker – especially not to the genius in our midst; he who stands taller than all other geniuses, and constantly fails to be surprised by the fickle universe, having at all times a complete comprehension of how things will unfold. The venerable Brother None takes it down yet again, with a landslide 13 votes to his name. This award has been in existence since 2005, and Brother None has managed to claim and defend it year after year. With 6 consecutive gold medals in this category, he is the one who has longest defended a gold title in a single category. Sander snatches his third silver medal this year with 4 votes, and the not-quite-so-bright alec, Luke, MadDog, Kilus and bntest share the easy-to-get bronze with 1 vote each. (Abstain would have taken the silver from Sander with 5 votes, if Abstain had only showed up to claim it. =/) **Which member bears the lightest burden of intellect?** The victory of 13 votes for Brother None in the previous category is matched in this one. The lightest burden of intellect is carried by none other than the Australian hick… But lo – it is not the defending champion Kilus who takes it down this year! It is the new Aussie in our midst – Serifan, with a mammoth 13 votes for the win – thus earning him his first Order Awards Gold Medal ever. Sander shares the silver in this category as well, together with Serge 13, Luke and former gold medal holder Kilus, with 2 votes each. Rusty Skull, Gus, victor all earned 1 vote each for their daftness, and somehow, the former champion of this award Kilus was left without a single vote to his name. (Abstain weighed in on 2 votes.) **Who is the most tasteful Orderite (music/movies/books)?** Taste may come in many flavors. The most tasteful, when combining music, movies and books – and probably a healthy scoop of just general tastiness – is the by intellect tormented Brother None, winning with 5 votes. Twinkie snatches the silver with 3 votes, and the bronze is shared between Pope Viper, Sander and Mikey for 2 votes. alec, Ratty, generalissimo, Madbringer, Zaij and Sicblades finish in another timezone when it comes to taste, getting only 1 vote each. (The ever so tasteful Abstain shares the gold this time around, with 6 votes!) **Who has the most angst?** As if winning this gold medal would make him kill himself any less, the ever so emo victor is tormented by his angst to the galactical level of 11 votes! Runner up alec the angsty gathered an artillery of 4 votes, but couldn’t quite make it to the finish line. Twinkie takes down the emo bronze with 3 votes, while generalissimo and Buxbaum666 miss out on the winners stand with 2 votes each. Kilus, Pope Viper, and Sicblades are all pretty content with their 1 vote each. (Abstain can also count himself lucky to only get 2 vote in this category and in so doing just missing out on sharing the bronze.) **Who posts the funniest spam?** Who would have known? This year’s funniest spam Gold Medal is shared by no less than three funny fuckers. It is the ever reigning spammer Kilus who is forced by means of bondage to share the medal with alec as well as the perhaps unexpected but ever so worthy generalissimofurioso! They all gathered 3 votes each, which was enough to take it down. Five smappers share the silver – Dopemine Cleric, Keane, Twinkie, Luke and Pope Viper each got 2 votes ftw. The Commissar and Sicblades should perhaps reconsider their smapping ways, with only 1 vote each. (And the real gold is claimed by Abstain, with 6 votes! If only he were here…) **Who posts the most boring spam?** When this poster loads up his quick-reply window, everyone starts fleeing to i-am-bored.com in a desperate effort to do something – anything – that can soothe the intellectual burning of listening to this guy smap. I’ve heard that even Grandpa Simpson can’t stand listening to this guy’s one-liners, complaining that they’re just too boring to keep interest up. It is taken down by Serifan, who claims the gold with a solid 6 votes! Victor was however not close behind with 5 votes to his epic boredom, and Pope Viper claims the bronze with 2 votes of olde. Twinkie, Kilus, PlanHex, Serge, Sicblades, Kilus and Mikey are only semi boring, finishing outside the prize-pool with 1 vote each. (Abstain weighs in on a full 7 votes, snatching the honorary gold.) **Who is the best n00b?** You probably know him from all that boring spam he makes… Serifan is the Best n00b of the Order 2010, placed on the title by a whole 6 votes! In so doing, he is the second person to ensure his Gold Medal Hat Trick Award for the 2010 Awards – which is quite an achievement seeing as how this is his first time participating. But what does this mean – does one become the best n00b through boring spammage, or does one inevitably produce boring spammage by being the best n00b? Or is the community simply divided on this issue? None will ever know. (Save for me – taking bribes starting at a nickel.) Dopemine Cleric is also a n00b to behold, claiming the silver with 4 votes – and let us not forget Dragula who with his steady n00bishness reached the bronze prize with 2 votes. Crni Vuk, PlanHex, Daimyo, Sicblades, Mikey, Keane, Twinkie, generalissimofurioso and Ratty need to shape up their n00bishness, as those n00bs only got 1 vote each… n00bs. (Longtime member Abstain is also a quite formidable n00b who shares the gold with 6 votes to his name. And I kharn’t believe nobody voted for Kharn.) **Random Awards** **Who is the most likely to die a virgin?** “Will he ever get laid?” is the question on everybody’s lips. Well, not really, since I’m guessing we don’t really care. But, the person who is most likely to die a virgin is Kilus, Champion of Not having Sex with Actual Girls, claiming the title with a whopping 10 votes! Coming up close from behind to snatch the silver is victor with 6 virgin votes, while Serge 13 and Stag are also pretty clogged and/or likely to masturbate a bit with 2 votes. Phauxe Kitsune, Twinkie, Stapes, Pipboy2000, Buxbaum666 and Pope Viper may or may not die virgins with 1 vote each. (Abstain may or may not also die a virgin with 1 vote.) **Who do you think masturbates the most?** One would think it would be the same person as is most likely to die a virgin – but no... The person who masturbates the most in the Order is alec, which is quite remarkable what with him being a vegetarian (you know, and as such expected to stay away from the sausage) 8 quorn-dog votes put him on the title. Kilus takes a very convincing second place however, with 6 votes. The bronze is shared by Serge 13, victor and Pope Viper for 2 votes each, while Serifan, Twinkie, Luke, Tagaziel, Pipboy2000, Elissar and Skenvoy (with the motivation that ‘all women are whores’) probably masturbate in a moderate manner with 1 vote each. It is also very evident that the voters of the Order are fully up to date with the masturbation habits of their fellow forumites, as exactly 0 people chose to vote for Abstain, making this the only completely Abstain-free category! **Who will probably grow up to construct the stupidestest conspiracy theory ever?** Who would have thunk it’s the guy who thought “Men in Black” was a documentary… Claiming his fourth Gold Medal – Serifan claims this one as well in a landslide, with a mind-blowing 11 votes, ensuring a successful future carreer in online conspiracy theory constructing. Twinkie angrily accepts the Silver for 2 votes, and Dopemine finishes third with 2. Crni Vuk, victor, Dragula, Tone Capone, generalissimofurioso, KSM, Luke, Mikey and Ozrat all have to crawl in shame beneath the winners stand with 1 vote each. Only two people t hink Abstain is pretty out there. **Which member is most likely to get eliminated in Round 1 of the next potential Battles?** It is proclaimed that his radiated corpse will be left in the Thunderdome to the general disinterest of the carrion eaters. Having died twice in Round 1 already – first against the mighty hands of Brother None in 2008, and then in a multibrawl Round 1 (with black card ‘Thunderdome’) against Dove, monsharen and KSM in 2009 – victor is most likely to die first in the 2010 Battles, with 5 votes testifying to his imminent demise. Serifan is not exactly favorite to win either with 4 votes, claiming the Silver closely from behind. Keane, Daimyo, Dove, rcorporon, Skenvoy, alec, Sander, Kilus, Yamu, Brother None, Luke, Mad Dog and Gus are all likely to die relatively fast with 1 vote each. (Abstain is pretty safe to advance from Round 1 with his 4 votes.) **Who’s your daddy?** Blessed is he who in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper, and the finder of lost children. The daddy-o of the Order is none other than the Luke Dweller, with 5 votes testifying to that it’s finally Luke’s time to be someone’s father! An actual father of two – namely Pope Viper, finishes closely behind with 4 votes and shares the silver with the true father of us all, bntest. Another great father figure, Brother None, takes the bronze with 3 votes, while the venerable God-King Gerko, Skenvoy, Gus, Wooz, Ratty and Yamu are not very fatherlike, each only to the power of 1 vote. (Abstain’s boys can probably swim moderately well, with 2 votes worth of daddyness.) **Who is most likely to take over the world with an evil scheme?** Will it be the one with the heaviest intellect? The one with the most out-there conspiracy theories? Or perhaps the one masturbating the most, plotting to enslave the world in his quaff? No, it is none of these who shall one day become the master of mankind. The world may only be enslaved using one method, and that is the method of making funny spam. Generalissimofurioso claims his second Gold Medal in this year’s awards with 4 votes! KSM comes closely behind with his scheme to plant camels everywhere; taking the silver with 3 votes. Sander’s scheme to throw poker chips at mankind until they submit to him is not too successful, leaving him alone on the bronze with 2 votes. Crni Vuk, victor, Mikael Grizzly, Kilus, Yamu, Keane, Wooz, Mikey, bntest, Brother None, Ozrat, Ratty, Pope Viper, Gerko, alec and even the old non-Orderite xu all received 1 vote each – meaning that a whole 16 people are likely to plot just a little bit for the dominion of the the world, making this the category most tied at the bottom. Abstain has 2 votes saying he shall be the king of the new regime. **Who is most likely to be banned from the internet (save for Azure Stone, rest his spirit)?** Any of these ol’ days, he might be gone; banished from the realms of the intrawebs. alec, please stay with us for as long as possible before this fate is yours – I doubt this Gold Medal would lie with a whole 11 votes. Kilus and Ratty is also rather likely to get banned with the silver medal – for three votes, and reasons that are not to be uttered here. Serifan and victor are probably just a bit dislilked with 2 votes for the bronze. KSM and Ozrat finish outside the stand with 1 vote, and Abstain shares the silver for 3 votes. **Who will probably not win an Award in any category?** You know him, you love him – he’s a founding father, and yet he is the most unlikely to win an Award in any category what so ever, including this one. Consider the irony when the venerable MadDog takes it down with 3 votes! Also unlikely to walk home as winners today are generalissimofurioso, Serifan and Ratty with 2 votes each on the silver stand. Calculon00, Ashmo, Stag, PlanHex, Mikey, Zaij, Candlejack, Dopemine Cleric, Kilus, Dragula, Jebus, Keane, Pope Viper and rcorporon can also count on walking home losers this fine evening. (And the honorary gold is actually claimed by Abstain, who has 5 votes saying he’s unlikely to win anything. How wrong they were…) **Parrot Rank of the Year Award (lasts one month of active posting)?** Once again, it is that time of the year. The time when we elect our very own, very much wubbed Pet Parrot oTO. The Parrot Rank this year goes to… BN! Nah, just kidding. It goes to Jebus, like every other year, making this his fifth prestigious victory in a row, with a mind-boggling 13 votes. Serifan didn’t even come close to the gold, and settles for the silver on 4 votes. Sicblades, Pope Viper, victor and Twinkie should probably check their backs for feathers, but are still rather safe with only 1 vote each. (Abstain got the honorary silver with 6 votes.) **Should there be a Battle of the Orderites 2010?** You already know the answer in your heart. Of course, the answer is Yes, with a completely space-imploding result of 21 votes for yes! (One of them read “Kharn”, which I interpreted as “YES WE KHARN! YES WE KHARN!”). 5 antagonizers voted no, and 1 person abstained (“undecided”, which basically means yes). (This year, registering for the Battles is required to participate. Everyone who voted “yes” are automatically registered as Contenders. Furthermore, only registered contenders will be able to view the Battle forum and vote in the fights. More on this later in a designated thread.) Master Ballot **Classic Awards** Who is the God-King of the Order?: **Gerko** Who is the Coolest member?: **Luke** Who is the Funniest member?: **alec** Who is the Sexiest member?: **Gus** Who is the Fugliest member?: **Ozrat** Which Orderite is the Most Orderite?: **Luke** Who would you prefer to meet in real life?: **Luke** **Also Sort Of Classic Awards** Which member bears the heaviest burden of intellect?: **Brother None** Which member bears the lightest burden of intellect?: **Serifan** Who is the most tasteful Orderite (music/movies/books)?: **Brother None** Who has the most angst?: **victor** Who posts the funniest spam?: **Kilus, alec & generalissimofurioso** Who posts the most boring spam?: **Serifan** Who is best n00b?: **Serifan** **Random Awards** Who is the most likely to die a virgin?: **Kilus** Who do you think masturbates the most?: **alec** Who will probably grow up to construct the stupidestest conspiracy theory ever?: **Serifan** Which member is most likely to get eliminated in Round 1 of the next potential Battles?: **victor** Who's your daddy?: **Luke** Who is most likely to take over the world with an evil scheme?: **generalissimofurioso** Who is most likely to be banned from the Internet (save for Azure Stone, rest his spirit)?: **alec** Who will probably not win an Award in any category?: **MadDog** Parrot Rank of the Year Award (lasts one month of active posting)?: **Jebus** Should there be a Battle of the Orderites 2010? (yes/no): **Yes** **Special Awards:** Champions of the Awards (most gold medals): **Alec** (Funniest Member, Funniest Spam, Masturbates the Most, Most likely to be Banned from the Internet), **Luke** (Coolest, Most Orderite, Preferred to meet IRL and Your Daddy) and **Serifan** (Lightest Burden of Intellect, Most Boring Spam, Best n00b, Stupidestest Conspiracy Theorist.) Loser of the Awards (most negative gold medals): **Serifan** (Lightest Burden of Intellect, Most Boring Spam, Stupidestest Conspiracy Theorist) Funniest Ballot: **Kilus** (Post your ballot!) Hat-Trick Winners: **Alec**, **Luke**, **Serifan**. (The Champions and the loser - all with 4 awards each. Nobody got an even 3.) Double Gold Winners: **Kilus**, **Brother None**, **generalissimofurioso** & **victor**.